I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My cat gives me a boner
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
