I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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