I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
