Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
