ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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