Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
