It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize