Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
