I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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