Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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