If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
