Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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