So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
