I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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