this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize