I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
