i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
