My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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