This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
3pm strippers are depressing
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
