shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
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