i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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