my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
