Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
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