remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
