Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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