I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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