yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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