He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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