jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
