Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
