if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
