i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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