Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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