I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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