You're my little dorito
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
