a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize