I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
