Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
