never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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