Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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