I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize