Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He is an equal opportunity slut.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize