I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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