so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
