i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
