note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize