well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
