so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
