she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Of course I have a pirate flag
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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