If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
