I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
