she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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