Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
