Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
