I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
