Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
