I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
