Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
