ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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