I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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