does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
