it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
