Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
