I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
