i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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