I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
