dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We got so high we made milksteak
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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