I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
