there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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