I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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